Evicted

Hey Kids,

Things got a little out of hand this week.

My sister Rita was in town promoting her new flick "Granny wanna Cracker". My sister Rita does porn and is staging a comeback of sorts. This is her first movie in about 10 years and she is mixing it up with all sorts of young porn amateurs, yikes.

I decided to throw a party and invited the usual suspects Mickey and Jan Rooney, Liz Smith, Polly Holiday, Mindy Cohn, Al Sharpton and Nellie McKay. I added a few new ones to the list like Paul Rudd and Julia Roberts, poor Julia needs a party after her reviews mmmm. Berna added her hot list like Glenda the Super and Robin Byrd.

Little did I know Rita invited the cast from "Granny Wanna cracker" and it turned into a regular Caligula's den. Dame Shirley bassey even came a knocking to find out what all the moanin and groanin was about and got pulled into the action. She really blasted out a fabulous version of "Goldfinger". There was this one guy from "Granny" named JJ and he was a bit nuts, I think he was on ecstasy because he started going down on Glenda in the hallway and boy did her get a surprise. Glenda's packin a 9 incher under those panties but he adapted. I'm not sure he even realized Glenda hasn't had the full change and was a man gone wild.

This of course prompted a call to the police by another neighbor who in turn called the president of the co-op down to our floor. She really flipped out and flew into a republican rage. I tried to calm her down but she could not believe the sex act she had just set her eyes on, she fainted and I brought her back with a sniff of mad dog. She grabbed the bottle and sucked down some and said "I never". That is the first time I had ever heard anyone actually say it so I actually said "I bet you never had and slapped her in the face.

She calmed down and Glenda and "Granny man' got their shit together and moved it into the maintenance closet. I looked around and realized the cop was dancing suggestively with Mindy Cohn. He was shouting out " I can't believe I'm dancing with Tootie". Poor Mindy set him straight by repeating "It was Natalie and then kissed him". She's such a slut!!

The party finally ended and I thought everything to be okay but yesterday I got a letter signed by the president asking Berna and I to vacate our apartment as soon as possible. It also stated that Glenda had been let go for her actions and it was all my fault.

I went straight to her apartment and gave her a piece of mind. I have lived here without any complaints, well there was that one time, well then there was that other and oh yeah, the roof party, anyway. I pleaded with this crusty bitch for over an hour but she was a nut not to be cracked.

I gave up and told Berna to start packing. I had Rita start bubble wrapping the bar and booze.

I don't need this, not before my show I thought. I can't believe I'm being evicted. Is there no justice in this world?

Right after I said that I called Robin Byrd because I know she has a house on Fire Island. I asked Robin if we could stay in her apartment in the city until I found permanent lodging. She did better than that she said we could stay with her out on Fire Island and use the apartment too. The "Byrd" is the best and thank god Rita lets her have a munch on her muff every once in a while. Sisters are good for something?

That is it though, no more parties for Rita and her Porn buddies. I love porn but like it best when i'm home alone with my pocket rocket....

Kisses,

The Big M

I'll keep you updated where I move to next.....

My Space is your Space

Hey Kids,

Berna thought it a good idea to interact with some of the younger set on myspace.

She feels I need to keep up with the kids in order to keep up my popularity.

I thought i did enough by going out dancing and drinking at every turn at all the hotspots. The world has extended so with the internet so I am reacing again.

It seems Myspace is loaded with the young one so maybe I can get in on some new hot trends.

I just got an IPod Nano... It is so tiny. I wish it vibrated.....

Check out Myspace space kids...
http://www.myspace.com/73887247

Kisses, MargOH!

Singing for Supper in a Thong

Hey Kids,

I've been practicing my singing and frankly it stinks.

I was planning on Singing "Ladies who Lunch" from the musical company. I was having a little trouble so I decided to call Elaine Stritch who originally sang it. Whe I told her she flipped out, she was yelling so loud her dentures fell out. She said "If you fucking sing one not of my song I will come and rip your tits off". Thats when her dentures fell out and I hears something like sloppy seconds of=r soupy sales so I just hung up.

These old bitches can get so touchy. I think in Elaine's case its because she is sober. When she was drinking she was a fun old gal and would have loved it...

Usually i would say fuck her and sing it but Elaine is connected and can probably find someone to rip my tits off

Singing for my supper in a Thong

Hey Kids,

I have been practicing my singing and I must say it stinks...

I was going to sing "Ladies who Lunch" from the musical "Company" and it was going okay... I decided to call Elaine Stritch who originally sang the song for some pointers. She completely flipped out, her dentures even fell out of her mouth she was screaming so loud. Now she is threating to kill and Sue me or Sue and then Kill me. She is nuts!!!

She said that I couldn't croak out a note of that song if she had anything to do with it. She declared "That is my Fucking song MargOH! and I'll fucking rip your tits off if I even get wind that you did it in spoken word" Thats when her teeth fell out and I heard something that sounded like sloppy seconds or soupy sales so I just hung up. God, these old bitches are so touchy. I think it's because she's sober. The Elaine I knew when she was drinking was a gay old gal and I never would have thought she would react like that, mmmm.

Listen, usually I would say fuck her and just sing it but she is connected. I think she can actullay get someone to rip my tits off... She's all wrapped up in the High Society of Manhanttan, very scarey.

I have decided to sing "Someone's been sending me flowers". The version I love is by Blossom Dearie so I called Blossom and she said go for it Kid. I love my Blossom and at least she is still drinking.... She reccommended that I wear a Thong to help me hit those high notes.... Berna bring me my Thong!!!!


I'll keep you updated....

Kisses, MargoH!

MargOH!'s The Threepenny Opera Review

Hey Kids,

I had a great time attending the revival of Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weills "The Threepenny Opera". I think they may have admired the way that Scott Elliot staged this production. It is simply "Shock Value" all the way and I would not expect anything different. It's not always a bad thing to be shocked and sometimes Broadway needs a shot in the arm when other choices include another "Disney Production".

I take my hat off, or maybe my false eyelashes off, to Wallace Shawn for his daring take on the songs. I mean when's the last time you heard someone rhyme "China" with "Vagina" or "Pluck with Fuck". These moments are brilliantly delivered by the fabulous Ana Gasteyer (Mrs. Peachum) whose got a set of lungs on her Ethel Merman may have crumbled under.

The stark set with passing neon signs to stage the scenes is perfect. When you blend colorful costumes (Isaac Mizrahi), simple but clever choreography(Aszure Barton) and porcelain beauties like Cyndi Lauper and Nellie Mckay who needs things cluttering up the stage.

There is also a lot of absurdity added to pep up this sometimes heavy material. Scott Elliot had the space of Studio 54 in mind when adding in some vulgarity. He even threw in a scantily clad disco boy on a neon horse to deliver the queens message to pardon that low down dirty Macheath played scathingly brilliant by Alan Cumming. Cumming takes command in the song "Call from the Grave" even though at points he was straining with a shout. Somehow it seemed to work. I personally couldn't keep my eyes off of his other assets that were bulging through his tight fitting pants. Can I get a sample please Mr. Cumming....

Cyndi lauper who played Jenny had a fabulous Broadway debut. Using her wit and Brooklyn charm she comes across just the way you would expect, fabulously quirky. Her rendition of "Solomon Song" put the crowd into a trance and I did not want it to end. Bravo Cyndi!!

The fabulous Jim Dale played Mr. Peachum and he was just fantastic. His "Song of Inadequacy of Human Striving" was just special. He was just a plain hoot and I loved his polyester leisure suit. It made me long for another twirl around the old dance floor.

Nellie McKay as Polly Peachum gave a certain naivete to her role that reminded me of Judy Garland in "Strike up the Band". She gave it her all on the "No Song" and a simple but savvy "Pirate Jenny" were the high lights of the show for old MargOH!. Her scene with Lucy played by a man Brian Charles Rooney was comic genius for both of them. Though it did make me crave a glass of Gin I thought they had a charisma that was charming. Brian Charles Rooney added a definite twist as Lucy that included showing Polly and the audience what Macheath had been sampling, a cock. Cock on Broadway, I say thank god.

The ensemble cast of street trash, burglars, drug addicts and misfits were all played just fine but I expected a little more from them....Maybe a cat fight between NYC drag faves Edie, Flotilla Debarge and Hattie Hathaway but they really ended up just being window dressing for the stars.

All in all I think this production of "The Threepenny Opera" is worth a look see for its bold ideas and brilliant cast. It's about time we get a little glam, Gaul and gumption on what can sometimes be a dreary "Great White Way".

Cheers to the production of "The Threepenny Opera". Good Show!

Kisses, MargOH!

"ThreePenny Opera" Pictorial

Hey Kids,

I just got back, well not actually just got back... I got back this morning from "ThreePenny Opera".

It is a fabulous show. I am going to post a review but first here are some pics of The Big M. with Nellie McKay, Cyndi Lauper and Alan Cumming.

They are all Gorgeous and wonderful people.

Alan and I worked together in "Romey and Michelle's High School reunion". I played reunion girl # 36. It was a hoot!

Cyndi Lauper is the best and she is very fun, a good ole NY gal through and through, just gorgeous.

Nellie is my favorite, she is a throwback to old Hollywood and I love it!! Go buy her CD "Get away from Me". It is the best!!!

Enjoy the pics, review to follow.

I am running to meet with Kenny Rodgers. He wants to meet my Plastic Surgeon. I am gonna try and talk him out of it cause I think he has had enough.


Kisses, MargOH!

Hey Kids

Hey Kids,

I have been in a blog funk....I have so much going on my little fingers can't make it to the keyboard...Plus I dropped a dirty Martini on my keyboard after I thought Danny was going to stop blogging. Berna had to run out for a new one. The damn thing stopped working.

I'm attending the press preview for "Threepenny Opera". I am very excited but for the fact that it is at Studio 54. I always get a little nostalgic and sad when I go to that place. The sex, the drugs, the fondling of my breasts... Neil Sedaka... Disco Sally, I miss that old bitch... Rodney and I were the main attraction for a few weeks like everyone else. 54 was if your hot your hot but if you weren't that week you didn't get asked to go the basement. I really didn't care, I broke 2 heels down in that damn basement.

I'll never forget the night Sammy Davis's glass eye fell out.

There I was on the floor with Andy Warhol, Bianca Jagger, Goldie hawn(her pussy stunk)and Halston. It was nasty, people would just lose their shit down there, literally, too much laxative in the cocaine. It was not the type of floor to be kneeling on unless Mick and the boys were there. Bianca used to pay people to get it off with Mick so she wouldn't have to.

Of course I'm the one who found it and had to run upstairs and wash it off, gross. I went back downstairs and Truman Capote was trying to stick his finger in sammy's socket.... mmmm he was a pig. Thankfully Bob Denver stuck it back in, Ya know Gilligan.

You see why I get a little freaked.. It was not all Glamour at 54. it also lended to the demise of my marriage. Hopefully the ghosts of the past will keep there distance and I can enjoy the show.

I will let you all know how it was.

Kisses,MargOH!

Sandy and Me

Hey Kids,

I had a blast this weekend. It was a fun filled extravaganza.

Friday night I was making my first Mojito's for the season. I picked up 30 bottles of Rum from the Duty free in Puerto Rico. My arms are still killing me, yikes. Anyway they were great. Darlings take some limes, mint and soda water smash it all in the bottom of the glass. Add Rum and some liquid sugar and top off with ice and more soda water. You will be refreshed beyond belief and buzzed out of your mind,mmm.

Saturday was just as good. I went to see Ms. Sandra Bernhard in her new off-Broadway Production called "Everything Bad and beautiful". The show was just the tops. Sandra is one of the few women that can make me laugh out loud. She is at once topical, political and satirical. This combined with her smoky, rich but not perfect voice makes for a joy filled evening.

Sandra opened the show with Christina aguilera's "beautiful" and right away she set the mood. The laughter started right from the first note and didn't end until she left the stage through the audience. She riffed on her life and for the first time talked about her private life a bit.. Saying "I usually don't talk about my personal life, because frankly I don't know you and I certainly don't trust you". What a hoot!

She also ripped the Bush family but really took some not so wholesome stabs at Laura Bush, perfect.

Sandra's remarkable wit is perfect when tackling political issues and she took no prisoners when she said. "I support out Troops so that's why I want them the fuck home". She held up a Support our troops ribbon made of plastic with the American flag on it, it's one of those magnet things for your car. She held it up and said I got one of these on every surface I can fit it and then looked at it and said "MMM, Made in China"...

This was a great show and Sandra delivered even though she had bronchitis. It was obvious because her singing was a little strained but I never expect perfection in her voice. It is a unique voice that booms with a rock edge so it was just fine to me. She also did a complete on stage costume change. She went right down to her bra and panties. She is 53 years old and has a great body, atta girl.

If you are in New York go see Sandra at the Darryl Roth Theatre. It is a beautifully bad ass show. I love ya Sandy.

After the show Berna and I rushed off to see Sandy and she was very under the weather so I popped out my flask of Apricot Brandy and poured my girl some on the rocks. She took a sip and said "Maggie, this is like jet fuel, how do you drink this shit". I replied with laughter and said "Honey if you drink this you will sleep like a baby". She took the glass back and slammed the rest down. "Thanks Maggie, you rock", she said and slapped me in the face lightly and then a big hug. We chatted about when we worked together On "Hudson hawk". I need not tell you her opinion on that movie... it was a bit of a bomb. Anyway sandy got dressed quickly and made apologies for rushing off but she scheduled a lunch for us at "Sarge's" deli for some kosher Corned beef. That's hot.....

Kisses, Kids

The Big M

MargOH! Rips the Bushes

Hey Kids,

Another clip from my show that I posted on YouTube.

This was right after the election. I was a mess and very angry.

Kisses, MargoH!

I'm off to see Sandra Bernhard tonight in her fabulous new show. Hopefully I can get a hold of that girl for an after show drink. She is a hoot.

My First HNT... I'm Rubenesque

MargOH!'s Back

Hey Kids,

I just got back, well not just back, I got back last night.

Puerto Rico was well lets just say nice. The bell boy at my hotel was the high point of a trip for me. What is the point of going to an island and not exploring everything it has got to offer including hot Latin men.... mmmm

Berna even got some action from the pool boy. She has lost 80 ponds already and was hot to trot.

The weather was just lovely and so were the Pina Colada's. I must have had about 10 a day. Thank god I got my check from Barry's people right before we left or I may have been hitting up GG for some libations. She is always good for carrying around a flask. She is my shot girl afterall.

I must say the food in Puerto Rico is very good including the Mofongo, it is mashed plantain, yummy. I am a bit Gouty though and that is not good for my upcoming show.

I have planned some dance rehearsals this week but may have to push them on a week because I can't slip on my Jazz shoe's. Damn good living and damn the gout.

I also have a photo shoot for the promo's for the show. We have to make sure we get some Homo's filling the place. The show is during pride week....

You know how I love the Gay's. Though I was a bit discouraged that GLAAD looked over my show again. I realize I am not on a network but I think I give off a good gay image. More than that Carson Kressley could dream of, he needs to wear much more make-up....

Oh, Well what is a middle aged gal to do...

Kisses, Kids

MargOH!

A Little Rest

Hey Kids,

I have been so busy lately doing part after part that it is wonderful to be going on a jaunt.

GG, who is part of my cast for "The MargOH! Channing Show", she is my shot girl, is having a soiree in Puerto Rico before her nuptials. Berna and I are headed down today and won't be back until Tuesday.

It has been a busy few weeks and not all pleasant. I have been shooting the film starring Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant called "Music & Lyrics by". That has been a blast and Drew even though she takes about 100 takes a scene is a real pro and comes and chats with the extra's. I of course know Drew since Rodney had coached her mother on breaking into the Biz. Drew was always running around our house and trying to open all the Gin bottles, Kids....

I wrapped that shoot and headed over to do some stand in work for Pat Benatar's new video. Those jobs are so easy, you just move about the set while they test lighting and such. Though I must say I didn't care for leather pants Pat had me wear....a bit musty


Then as I already mentioned I was in Barry Manilow's new video. This was not a good time. Barry is a bit menacing in his old age and very cheap. When I arrived I was told that Barry would only pay me scale. I haven't worked for scale in over 30 years. I went over to Barry's people and said I am MargOH! Channing and if you want this doo-wop girl to do the watusi you better cough up my fee of 2 grand.

Barry got wind of this and went on a tirade. He starting dusting his piano with pledge and mumbling about all the money he has to pay for these shoots. He also started to curse about how Bette Midler pays scale.

I stuck to my guns and said if you want me to wear that poodle skirt I better see some duckets or I am out of here. Barry chatted with his co-horts and they agreed to pay me the 2 grand as long as I didn't tell the extra's about it or talk about his latest botched plastic surgery. I had been asking around why Barry looked like his wax works figure at Madame Toussaud's, the one that melted. His people got a little miffed and said he had a laser treatment gone bad and for me to shut the hell up.

We got down to business and I did a quick "Watusi" and then a "Mashed Potato" and we even did " The Madison". I love that one. Barry just huffed off stage after the shoot and was not very pleasant.... Too bad. i ran over and took a knip of stoli out of my purse and said "Barry Babe, have a drink on me kid". He replied "Thanks MargOH! but I am not sure if my new caps will come undone".


All in a weeks work for MargOH! The life of an extra can be rewarding or down right dreadful so this is why I say...


Champagne is for Every Day, not just New Years Eve.

Kisses, Kids

I won't be posting until next week. I hope you will not be too sad....

You're a Wonder Wonder Woman

Hey Kids,

You are never gonna believe this one...

Berna had picked up the First Season of Wonder Woman on DVD and kept bothering me that I had to watch it. I kept saying, why, why, why do I have to watch it. It is a bit dated and tired don't you think? I asked..

Well last weekend after my wild night with Adrienne I stumbled in at about 4am and I was still a bit thirsty so I popped open a Magnum of Champers and decided to give old Lynda Carter a try. I woke Berna up and told her to come watch it with me and she got very excited.

The show started and I was somewhat enjoying it... It is very campy. Then about a quarter through the pilot episode I spotted something strange... a large breasted woman that looked a lot like myself in my younger days... I got up and presses my eyes to the screen and to my surprise it was me. I had absolutely no recollection of ever being on the show but there I was playing an Amazonian Guard.

I sat back down to collect my thoughts and then it all started rushing back to me. Lyle and Lynda, Cloris and that strange little man in it.... I had been sniffing a lot of Glue at that time, i thought it better than cocaine.

Berna had this look of interest on her face and started probing for answers. I started to remember the costume fitting when Lyle Waggoner came in and had the seamstress leave and he cupped my breasts. Then he said he would get me a line if I let him bang me... I of course said yes and he took me over Cloris Leachmans Harp... She played that damn thing in a few scenes and kept asking what that bleach smell was? Little did she know it was Lyle's man juice... he was a big shooter...

God, it was one of those moments I think I actually regret... I never got a line, that bastard... Now I know why I could never bring myself to watch "The Carol Burnett Show".

I was gorgeous though and I still am. They were lucky to have me on that show...

Berna get me Lyle Waggoner's number . I got a bone to pick with him..

Kisses Kids

MargOH!

MargOH!'s first Review

Hey Kids,

Well let me tell you I liked "The Property Known as Garland".

I am not sure if it was the bottle and a half of Blue Nun Adrienne and I had before the show or just plain good acting.... I think the latter in this case...

I decided to review this piece not just because Adrienne Barbeau and I go way back but once in a while it's nice to just give your freakin opinion!

In my previous post I did mention some concern about Adrienne being cast as Ms. Garland but I was thrilled to see that she went about it in her own way;hats off to Adrienne for that.. She actually gave an essence of Judy both in Character and physique

The play takes place before Judy's last concert in Copenhagen and she is reflecting on her life and career. This play was based on the infamous garland ramblings she made for her autobiography that never had the chance to be written.

I have always been a bit suspect of anyone gathering genuine information from these tapes due to the fact that Judy was almost incoherent at the times she was making these recordings.

This is my only issue with both Adrienne's performance and the play. If it is based on these not so flattering tapes then why not portray Garland as a frustrated, weak and desperate character. This piece portrays Judy, vulnerable; yes, but nowhere near being the tragic voice speaking on those tapes.

The play uses voice overs to portray her mother, Ethel and Louis B. Mayer as the tyrants that they were. Judy directly spoke to these voices but I wish the voices had been in her head and she could speak to them which would have given Adrienne a bit more depth. The voices sounded a bit canned and took away from the flow of Ms. Barbeau's performance.

There is one supporting character named Ed played by Kerby Joe Grubb who spends all of his time trying to track down mashed potatoes and green beans that Judy had demanded she has before she goes on. There are some cute moments between the two characters especially when he acts fumbling and admiring of the awesome moment he is having being in the same room as Dorothy.

I do feel part way through the piece the dialogue does start to become repetitive and there are many references to various celebrities such as Marlene Dietrich, June Allyson and Elizabeth Taylor. A high point for me is when Judy asks us " Is Elizabeth still alive". Billy Van Zandt did try to camp it up knowing that the Actor's Playhouse is located in gaysville USA but I think he could have done much better by Adrienne.

I did walk away from this play not knowing anything new about the fabulous Judy Garland but I did learn how a very classy actress named Adrienne Barbeau treaded this role with grace and elegance. She did not do an impersonation of Judy Garland but a lovely tribute to a character that can never be truly imitated though we do our best to do so.

"The Property Known as Garland" was an overall pleasant surprise that I would recommend to any Judy Garland Fan. It was fun spending a little time with Judy and that in the end is what it is all about.

Now, let me tell you that after the show Adrienne and I headed out for a wild night on the town.... I will let you know what happened in the next post....

Kisses, MargOH!